Not Another Blog About Gratitude
It’s that time of year again…holiday shopping has begun in earnest, families are coordinating cross-country gatherings, and those little signs with “Thankful, Grateful, Blessed” in that modern calligraphy script (you know the one) are making their way into stores. As we move into November and December, the word “gratitude” tends to get thrown around like mashed potatoes at the kids’ table. Have you ever thought about what it means to be grateful? Read on to find out how an attitude of gratitude can improve your life (and mine, apparently)—backed by years and years of psychology research.
by Carley Foster, LCPC
I have found myself thinking about gratitude a lot. Early in my career, I was introduced to the VIA Strengths Assessment, a long-standing, evidence-based assessment in the Positive Psychology community (It’s free, by the way, and you can take it here. According to the VIA Institute on Character, gratitude falls into the “Transcendent” virtue category of strengths. These are strengths that help us “provide meaning” and “connect to the larger universe.” In particular, they describe gratitude as “a transcendent feeling of thankfulness:” not only recognizing what we are thankful for, but taking the time to express that thankfulness to others. It emphasizes that gratitude involves recognizing that the source of what we’re grateful for is outside of ourselves—it’s a neighbor bringing you soup when you’re sick, a driver who lets you merge during rush hour, or simply the beauty of nature as seasons change.
The first time I got my results for this assessment, I was shocked to realize my own strength of gratitude was pretty low in the rankings—like, bottom five. It was also in the bottom five when I took it again a year later. When the same thing happened the following year, I started to wonder if my heart had grown three sizes too small or something. I knew that each strength exists on a continuum, so it wasn’t that I was ungrateful. It just seemed that I had a thing or two to learn about gratitude.
Fortunately, I had no trouble finding a wealth of information about gratitude and what the research says about how it affects us. For example, I learned that gratitude was one of a few predictors for greater life satisfaction that was consistent between men and women studied. This finding has also been reliable across many years of research. Another fascinating study suggests that children do not start associating gratitude with happiness until around the age of seven. This means feeling thankful for things outside ourselves is a trait that we can role model to the young people in our lives while their developing brains catch up. Due to research conducted during the pandemic, we also know that intentionally cultivating gratitude can even contribute to greater psychological resilience.
Clearly, my own gratitude practice could use some cultivating. But I know myself, and I cannot commit to journaling even for my own good. I began to wonder if there was some other, more active way I could start practicing more gratitude. Turns out, I was not the only one wondering. The internet is packed with suggestions for increasing moments of gratitude throughout the day. Here are a few of my favorites to share with you:
Remember when things weren’t going well: When I found this suggestion from Mindful.org, I laughed out loud. In a very thorough post about practicing gratitude, the writer suggests setting up an “explicit contrast” in your mind: when we remember just how bad things were in the past, we can acknowledge how some of those things may have improved in the present day. Boom! Gratitude. I laughed because this suggestion seems to play into our brain’s very natural tendency to focus on the bad and ignore the good, a phenomenon called negativity bias. If we can harness that tendency and rework it to acknowledge what’s going well now, we can create new pathways in the brain toward more gratitude.
Writing (and sending!) Thank You notes: I did not get to enjoy the privileges of high speed home internet until I was in college. This meant I was spending a lot of time writing old-school thank-you cards when a birthday, holiday, or graduation rolled around during my childhood. A Harvard Medical School blog suggests sending one gratitude letter (or email) a month is a helpful addition to your gratitude practice—and something I still try to do a few times a year. However, any occasion can be one for gratitude, not just when a gift is received. I appreciated that the blog reminds the reader they can write a gratitude note to themselves, too!
Find reasons to say “thank you” out loud: Unfortunately, due to the pace of that high speed internet I now enjoy at home, I found this simple suggestion on social media and cannot find it again to credit the original poster. They suggested probably the simplest practice of all: verbally saying “thank you” when things go your way. It doesn’t have to be directed toward anyone in particular, but seems to evoke the same feelings in my experience. My favorite time to use this practice is when I’m running late to work and the stoplight turns green as I approach. I run late for work almost every day, so a lot of stoplights are now receiving a little thanks and a victory wave from me. Does that make them turn green more often? You’ll have to try it and see for yourself.
As for moving gratitude out of my bottom five strengths, only time will tell. I hope these suggestions add a touch of extra thankfulness to your holiday season, and maybe even the new year!
If you’re looking for more support in your gratitude work (or just need a listening ear during the stress of the holiday season), many of our clinicians are accepting appointments now or the very near future. Meet our clinicians or request an appointment for therapy or executive function coaching today!
Remember, this blog is not a substitute for a qualified professional who understands your unique needs. However, we may be able to connect you with a qualified professional if you would like to explore further.
Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash
